


The End Fast Approaches

by Z_is_Me



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, X-23 (Comic), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fear of Death, Hank Mccoy (mentioned) - Freeform, Laura Kinney is scared, M/M, Minor Bruce Banner/Thor, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Girlfriend, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Slow Burn, Superfamily (Marvel), X men (mentioned), X-Men References, adamantuim poisoning, toddler!Peter Parker - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25904785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Z_is_Me/pseuds/Z_is_Me
Summary: A feeling set in, one she hadn’t cared for or indulged in a long while. It made her chest heave and her heart pound. The hum of fear etched itself into her body, taking place beside the pain. Everything seemed so loud now; the city just beyond the bedroom window, the fan buzzing as it cooled off the room, the air conditioner in the living room. The bedroom grew unbearably hot, sweat pooled on her forehead as the ache planted itself all over.Logan’s bloodied, limp, infected body plagued her mind suddenly, taking the forefront. She clenched her fist against the mattress, doing her best to calm down, to wipe away that painful image, with no avail. Tears pricked painfully at Laura’s eyes, but she refused to let them fall. There was always that thought, creeping in the back of her mind, that would, could never leave her be. Someday that would be her, bloody and broken, on the cusp of the end and struggling to pass over.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Thor, James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, Laura Kinney/Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	1. A Painful Reappearance

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so if you've read any of my fics before you know the drill.  
> Timeline wise just think Age of Ultron but with Laura. 
> 
> Laura Kinney is 25  
> Natasha Romanov is 30

With all hopes of going back to sleep lost, Laura sat up, untangling the covers from around her legs so she could swing them over the side of the bed. There was an ache in her body, set deep in her bones, and spread throughout her muscles. She stretched, but that only fueled the pain, a sharp ache that began in her back and spread down her limbs and into her hands.

A feeling set in, one she hadn’t cared for or indulged in a long while. It made her chest heave and her heart pound. The hum of fear etched itself into her body, taking place beside the pain. Everything seemed so loud now; the city just beyond the bedroom window, the fan buzzing as it cooled off the room, the TV in the living room. The bedroom grew unbearably hot, sweat pooled on her forehead as the ache planted itself all over with hooks that struck deep. 

“It’s nothing to worry about,” She tried to reassure herself, “You’re just overworked,” 

Logan’s bloodied, limp, infected body plagued her mind suddenly, taking the forefront. She clenched her fist against the mattress, doing her best to calm down, to wipe away that painful image, with no avail. Tears pricked painfully at Laura’s eyes, but she refused to let them fall. There was always that thought, creeping in the back of her mind, that would, could never leave her be. Someday that would be her, bloody and broken, on the cusp of the end and struggling to pass over. 

Laura’s body shook as she tried to control her breathing, to not succumb to the dark recess of her fucked up mind. She used to, used to let those fatalist thoughts play with her and control her. But that was before when she thought she was alone and barren of all hope. Then, she met someone, someone incredible who was the lantern that led her out the darkness. Who showed that she was never really alone, just lonely.  
A hand, rubbing gently up her back, pulled Laura from her trance, the lantern. 

“You okay?” asked a sleepy, gentle voice. Laura would give anything to listen to that voice forever. The hand settled between her shoulder blades, massaging soothingly.

Laura’s voice was shaky as she said, “Yeah baby, I’m fine,”

The reassurance Laura attempted to include was nowhere to be found in her still sleep-ridden voice. She tried to focus on the hand on her back, desperately wanting to be rid of this horrible ache. 

“Laura,” Natasha said. It didn’t sound like a question, nor a command. Laura knew it was her subtle way of telling her that she didn’t have to say anything, although if she wanted to, she could. Laura wanted to tell Natasha, desperately wished to give her anything, and everything, she could. But, doing so would require speaking, and at the moment, that seemed impossible without crying out. 

She heard the bed creak and dip, Natasha was moving. A body, lithe and familiar, pressed against her back. Her head, topped with wavy red hair, rested itself gently on Laura’s shoulder. The mutant let out a shaky breath that was both from the hurt, and the hands that had placed themselves on her thighs.   
Natasha seemed to notice that, as her voice went from the soothing tone to one etched with concern and worry. “What’s wrong?”

An explosion of pain, deep in her knuckles, one like she never experienced before, set off. The clone opened her mouth to scream, to cry, but nothing came out. Laura’s jaw trembled, and her hands were shaking. Natasha stood, now in front of her, eyes brimmed with something… fear. She was afraid. Natasha, the love of her life, the person she wanted most to protect was scared, and Laura was the one causing it. 

“Laura, please tell me what’s happening?” The red-head begged, crouching down to study her for any injuries. She wouldn’t find any. This hurt was internal. It was the off switch for what was supposed to be an eternal life. Did the end come this quick for Logan? Did he hurt as Laura does? How did he tell people he loved that he was dying? Or was he unaware? 

Laura looked up at Natasha, forcing some ounce of reassurance into her eyes as she said, “It is nothing. It’s happened before, and it will be fade soon,”   
That answer didn’t appease her girlfriend’s worry, which was understandable. That answer never worked with Warren, either. Julian took it without argument, but he had a habit of avoiding problems. 

“What’ll fade? Do you want me to call Tony or Hank?”

“No, no,” She said hastily. The thought of Tony Stark seeing her so weak and vulnerable, on the verge of tears, was terrifying. And, Hank, he didn’t have a fix for this, as smart as he was. He had tried and failed to find a solution for the metal poisoning Laura's bloodstream, weakening her every passing second. He’d worked himself tirelessly for a year, attempting to solve this implanted error, until she’d forced him to stop. She couldn’t handle it, the building hope, and the impending downfall that wreaked havoc on her body and mind. She decided that she was going to ride it out to the end. One thing she couldn’t figure out is if she was the one who’d made the decision why is she so scared? Maybe it was because she had someone, someone she never wanted to give up? 

“Natasha,” She said, voice unusually rigid with restraint, “Sometimes I feel this pain. It’s normal, I promise, and it will go away. I just need some time,”  
Laura bit her lip to hold in the cry that threatened to escape. Natasha’s hand cups her chin. She glances down at Laura’s hands, still shaking as they clutch the bed’s fitted sheet. 

“Is it the adamantium?” Natasha kept her voice purposefully low. Laura managed a nod as another spark of pain, this time in her chest, close to her heart, way too close for comfort. 

“Okay,” She was seemingly calm now, most likely trying to keep Laura from feeding off her worry. 

“Do you want me to get you anything, pills, a drink, maybe?” Natasha was trying to help, and that was almost enough to make her smile. 

Laura had tried satiating this pain before with substances, and the result was just beneath the cusp of a massacre. The clone shook her head, something Natasha seemed to disapprove of. 

“What can I do for you, then?” She asked, eyes shiny with tears. Laura swallowed the guilt, that was somehow more painful than the metal that was currently trying to kill her, and looked her girlfriend directly in the eyes. 

“Natasha,” Another jolt of pain caused her to pause. Gritting her teeth, she continued, “I love you so much, and I promise, you just being here is enough. It’ll fade, I-I promise,”


	2. I Just Want You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this ones a bit late. Y'know life and shit. Hope you enjoy it.

“You’re dying,” 

She spoke as if she had to reassure herself that what she was hearing was true. As if Laura were lying to her, even though she knew she would never lie to her. Laura watched as she closed her eyes, hiding the forming tears. Guilt stung Laura, like boiling water on plush, pale skin. The clone wanted to speak to say something to fill this horrible, painful silence. Natasha’s eyes stayed close for a long time, and she oh so badly wished to see those endless green irises again. 

“You can’t stop it,” Natasha said, voice small and wavering. It sounded to be more of a statement than a question, but Laura insisted on answering anyway, 

“No, I can’t”

“Can Hank?” She was searching for purchase, some ounce of faith she could cling to. The clone could hear it, in the way her heartbeat kicked up slightly.   
Laura shifted at her place at the foot of the bed, “He’d tried, but it went on for so long, I made him stop,” 

Natasha’s heart beat furiously. She was angry. Angry at Laura for what, sparring her companions the heartache of failure. She wasn’t the bad guy here, there was no bad guy really unless you could antagonize metal. 

“If Tony wanted to, would you let him help you?” Natasha asked. 

Laura sighed. She didn’t want to be frustrated. She wanted to be doing anything else other than answering these pointless questions. But, she couldn’t say that. This situation is fragile and requires patience and understanding. Laura loved Natasha and Natasha loved her and loved ones’ cared if and when you’re going to die. In hard times, compliance is key. So, swallowing the lump of irritation, Laura said, voice calm, “If Tony wanted to help, I would let him, yes,”   
Natasha looked up at her, eyes wide with… Was it hope? “And you’d be okay with doctors, maybe a specialist?”

“There’s nothing they can do,” said Laura. It’d come out so fast she didn’t have time to stop herself. Her tone was defensive and noticeably annoyed. Compliance is key, dumbass, she reminded herself internally. Usually, Laura was a pretty confident person, not really the self-deprecating type. In her profession, self-hatred would hurt others more than it would help them. Laura had seen it first-hand with Julian, and on occasion when she and Stark worked late nights in the lab. That confidence though had just thrown itself out the window and left her when she needed it most. Laura fucking hated herself right now. 

Natasha’s hands clenched tighter together. Laura wanted to hold those hands in hers, to relieve the tension and soothe her girlfriend’s discomfort. But, she also needed to get this out of the way, needed Natasha to hear all the hard shit first. Then, Laura can envelop her, and hopefully, never let go.   
Natasha makes a noise, almost like a whine, that she’d attempted to muffle with a hand to the mouth. That’s when Laura sees the tears, falling down her rosy cheeks. “Natty,” Laura says, voice cracking. She moves so that she is crouched directly in front of Natasha, cupping her chin and forcing the spy to look directly into her eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I am so damn sorry,” She rested both hands on the side of the red head’s face, wiping away the tears with a calloused thumb. 

“Don’t apologize,” She hiccuped, “I get it, you’ve had a long time to work through your feelings, and it doesn’t bother you anymore,” That wasn’t true. Laura was terrified. She had reasons, actual, legitimate reasons to stay and now her body had decided to give up. Her stupid body, her flawed biology, and this god awful adamantium. 

“Natty,” This time she didn’t try to even out her voice, didn't compensate. Laura spoke with feeling. Her voice cracked and shook with the threat of crying out. Her cheeks burned hot with the sudden release of pent up emotion. The only thing she could focus on was the aggressive beating of their hearts in an out of sync rhythm. “I love you, so much, and until all this, I didn’t give a fuck whether I lived or died. Now though, I got something to live for, I got you. I never want to let that go. I want to share anything and everything, and I just want to be with you,” She stopped to breathe, feeling the warm roll of tears along her face, “So if seeing some doctors means I get to spend the rest of my life with you, then fuck it. I’ll do it,”

Laura waited, kneeled in between her girlfriend’s legs, watching what she just said wash over her features in waves. Neither of them spoke, just watching each other. Then, in an unexpected burst, Natasha dove forward, pressing her soft lips against Laura’s. The mutant could feel the wet of Natasha’s cheek on her, and despite the fiery passion that was in the kiss, she couldn’t help but think about how she was the one who’d caused that. 

A tongue pressing against the seam of her lips, begging for entrance, pulled her back to reality. There was something strange about how the kiss clashed with the tone of the room. Passion and sorrow in the same space didn’t feel right. Laura pulled back, Natasha chasing her the whole way.   
“Nat,” She put her hands on her girlfriend’s shoulders, temporarily keeping her at bay, “Are you okay because, if not, we can always talk about it?”  
Natasha swallowed, “I will be. But, I don’t want to talk, at least, not right now. I just want you,”  
Laura gave a small smile, which Natasha returned with a noticeably sad one. This time Laura led the kiss, and it was tender and slow, and it felt right. She could feel Natasha’s tears as they poured, merging with her own, and she dared not pull away to check on her. Natasha didn’t want to talk, and so they weren’t going to. 

Laura was going to kiss her girlfriend, and envelope her with as much of herself as she could with the time she had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please consider leaving a Kudos!


	3. Plans Have This Strange Tendency to Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one somehow ended up way longer than I expected. But, when the writer bug bites you're not allowed to ignore it. So enjoy this extended update.  
> Toddler!Peter content included in this one and definitely the next chapter.  
> Sorry, it took so long, but I just had a hard time starting this chapter for some reason.

The morning had come too quickly, in Laura’s opinion. The nerves and anxiety of the previous hours were forgotten, allowing a tranquility to encompass the few hours of the night that remained; Natasha dozing peacefully, cheeks still a little red and puffy, while Laura watched her, wide awake. The room had been quiet, except for their soft breathes, the lights were just radiant enough to see without being too bright, as not to disturb the sleeping woman clutched to her. The ache had mostly disbanded by then, contracting to a small thrum in her knuckles, like a revving engine under the hood of a car. Laura was left with the soreness that she’d become accustomed to over the years, nostalgic at this point. A part of her, a part deep within that she did not often coddle, couldn’t imagine life without the reminisce of the ache. That soreness reminded her of days spent inside because Charles wouldn’t let her train, cuddled into a tight ball, and being hugged close by the nearest warm body. 

Then the sun had appeared, in the form of a violent bright orange drilling holes through her, as it peaked just over the skyscrapers of Manhattan. She squinted at the onslaught of light, planting her head face-first into the pillow beneath her. Laura didn’t know if it was the light or her sudden movements that had stirred the spy. Nevertheless, Natasha was awake, something she only became apparent to when a hand crept up her torso and rested itself on her shoulder. It was not a new gesture. Natasha had done it almost every time they saw each other after some time apart, whether it be after a mission or returning from a quick trip to the store. Usually, it was the spy’s way of saying, _ look at me, I need to see that you’re okay _ . Laura loved it, found it endearing at first, and it pulled at her heartstrings to this day. But Laura didn’t want to leave the dark she’d plunged herself into. The light made her headache, like the worst hangover, worse than the ones she got after drinking Thor’s mead. 

“Are you okay?” Natasha asked, voice raspy from sleep.

Laura hummed a lazy confirmation into the pillow, feeling sleep tugging at her muscles. Wordless replies were Natasha’s least favorite thing; nods, hums, shrugs, they all irritated the hell of her. 

“Laura,” She spoke firmly, the hand on her shoulder pinching the mutant’s skin between its manicured fingernails. Laura groaned into the pillow, enlivening the soreness into a brief spark of pain that had her legs trembling. Natasha immediately let go, rubbing soothing circles into the skin. “Sorry,” She said quickly, pressing soft kisses into the skin of Laura’s arm. The ache wilted, leaving Laura feeling hot and sweaty, for all the wrong reasons. 

Deciding that she disliked the feeling of being watched, Laura looked down at the women wrapped in her arms. Green eyes, wide with guilt and expectation, stared up at her. The soft, pale skin practically glowed in the orange light.  _ God, she’s beautiful _ , Laura thought.

“I’m okay, just a little sore is all,” She said, running a finger across Natasha’s jaw, obsessed with the way her tan skin contrasted with her partner’s pale complexion. Laura moved her finger up to trace along Natasha’s bottom lip, soft and plump and familiar. The spy poked her tongue out to meet the tip of the finger. Wolverine pushed the finger into the warm heat of her mouth. _ Damn, even her tongue was soft _ . This should have weirded her out, should have repulsed her. Laura’s had to rip people’s tongues out, and that had disturbed her to no end. But this was intimate, had a low heat pooling in her stomach. 

“Are you going to tell them today?” Natasha asked, speech slightly slurred from the intrusion. Panic replaced the heat, like scorching metal being suddenly dipped into ice-cold water. The last thing she wanted to do was bring the Avengers into this, especially after the effect it had the Xmen; division, unrest. After the fight between Steve and Tony, the last thing this team needed was a moral dilemma. She was aware of the promise she made Natasha, it hung over her like Damocles’ sword. While Laura was not one to point out the technicalities, she had said Tony, not the whole fucking team. Strength was something she wanted to maintain. She wanted to be seen as strong, needed them to think she was strong.

A hand massaging her hip brought Laura back from her thoughts. Hopeful eyes searched hers as if they were a map to buried treasure. Laura loved Natasha, more than anyone she’d ever been with. She wanted to protect her and wanted only for her to smile and laugh. She made a promise and she had to keep it, even if that meant telling the Avengers and losing the respect she’d strived to gain and uphold. But it was worth it if she could see Natasha smile again, even if she knew it was temporary. 

“When do you want me to tell them?” Laura asked. It seemed the only way she could answer the question. Any sort of direct affirmation was her admitting, to herself, that she was allowing them to go down this road.  _ Hopefully, second time’s a charm _ . 

The satisfied smile that appeared on Natasha’s face was and will continue to be the reason Laura lived to please her. Natasha wrapped her arms around Laura’s waist, soft skin against toned muscle. She kissed up her shoulder, along the defined collar bone, and up her neck. “Preferably after the gala,” The redhead answered, voice muffled. 

Laura groaned although the way she leaned her head, allowing her more access disproved her annoyance, “That’s tonight?”

Natasha let out a laugh, warm breath fanning across Laura’s neck, causing the mutant’s face to grow hot. “Don’t get too excited,” Natasha quipped.

Laura rolled her eyes, before saying, “Why do we even have to go to the damn  _ Man of the Year Awards _ ? Stark already won that, who gives a fuck if he didn’t this year?” 

“Because,” Natasha said, maneuvering them so she was straddling the mutant, “Tony needs to show that he is a good sport, to avoid the media contorting him into a petulant child,” She moved down Laura’s body, looking up at her the whole time. She stopped just below her waist, hands toying with the hem of the sleep shorts. She continued with that the train of thought, “Having the Avengers there is just another way of showing his support,”

Laura nodded, trying to listen, though the hands so close to her crotch were a bit distracting. Her breath hitch when Natasha picked up the waistband to let it slap lightly against her hip. 

“So you’re gonna go to the gala?” Natasha asked.

“Yes,” Laura replied, throat suddenly dry. 

Thin, experienced hands moved up and under Laura’s shirt, caressing the defined abs. “And you’ll tell them, tonight?”

Laura closed her eyes a moment, trying to grasp some sort of control. _ Just say ye _ s, her mind screamed at her. With a sharp inhale she answered, “Yes, as soon as we get back,” 

**\---**

Laura huffed, giving herself a final once-over in the mirror. The red dress reflected the yellow lamplight, sparkling brightly. It was uncomfortably tight, accentuating things Laura didn’t think needed to be accentuated. The thigh-high slit was the only reason she had any mobility, as they gave the fabric some slack. 

Tony had been very clear about the dress code; wear something noticeable, and by  _ noticeable _ , he did not mean a smart blazer and jeans. That was the reason Natasha had dressed her for the evening. The spy always knew what to wear, what looked good with what. She was mind-numbingly perfect at it, like most things. 

A whistle pulled Laura away from her thoughts, and she rolled her eyes fondly. But, as soon as she turned to face the red-head she was taken aback. She looked fucking stunning, she always did. The cream-colored dress ended just below her knee, it’s bodice framing her slim waist perfectly. Natasha had an air of modesty about her that Laura wanted so badly to wreck. 

“What?” Natasha asked, chuckling at the mutant’s slack-jawed expression. 

Laura swallowed, finding her throat suddenly dry. “You look amazing,” Laura’s voice is almost a whisper, only wanting Natasha to hear it. 

She spies the blush creeping up Natasha’s neck, and she can’t help but chuckle. 

It’s Natasha’s turn to roll her eyes as she checks the contents of the clutch purse. 

“So do you know the plan?” She asked, not looking up. 

Laura nodded as she answered, “Don’t drink too much, make sure to mingle some playful flirting in with the billionaires, and don’t make a fool out the Avengers,” 

“Not what I was referring to, but it’s nice to know you were listening during Tony’s briefing,” Natasha said. She set the purse on the desk beside her and approached Laura. She intertwined their hands, sighing deeply. Laura bowed her head, studying how their fingers were interlocked, like a rope being braided together. Tonight she was going to tell the Avengers that she was dying. She was dreading it if the burning feeling spreading over her was any indication. 

“Natty,” It hurt to speak, “I’m nervous,” 

Emotions were always so easy to express when Laura was with Natasha. She could say if she was feeling scared or angry or anxious without the worry of being pitied. Laura had never had this before. But, seeing as her past partners were either emotionally distant or culturally naive, it wasn’t totally appalling. 

“I’m nervous too, Laura,” Natasha admitted. She stole back one her hands and used to it to cup Laura’s chin, “But, after all this is done, we’re gonna be so glad we did this. We’re gonna be happy, I just know it,” 

_ No, we won’t _ , Laura’s mind screamed, _ I’m gonna be dead and you’ll hate me _ . There was a temptation to cry, but she refused it. Daken had taught her not to cry, to not let others feed off her emotions. “If they see you upset, that’s only gonna make them feel worse,” He had said, though at the time he was bent over Bobby Drake’s corpse, voice shaky and eyes red. 

There was a knock at the door that had them immediately pulling away from each other, on instinct. There’d been to many instances of people walking in on them making out. Laura could smell the familiar scent of Wanda’s perfume; sweet and citrusy. Not her particular preference, but it was the witch’s favorite. 

“Come in, Wanda,” Laura called. The door peaked open, letting in a sliver of white light into the yellow tinted room. The white fluorescent lights tended to give Laura headaches, the yellow ones were much more bearable. 

Wanda, dressed in a burgundy gown, poked her body through the gap in the door. “Tony wants to have a meeting before we leave,” 

“In the living room?” Natasha asked, once again locking Laura and hers’ hands together. Wanda nodded, and Laura smiled at the irritation that flicked through Natasha’s features. 

With that, the door was closed, leaving just them; hands held tightly in each others’, bodies growing closer together the longer the silence stretched on. “If you start hurting tonight, during the party, you have to tell me,” Natasha whispered the command, implication accenting every word. 

“I will,” Laura responded, resting her forehead against Natasha’s. They kissed, soft and tender, and with no set rhythm. It had emotion, so much more than Laura was capable of conveying. Her throat burned, and her lip quivered. But, Natasha, instead of pulling away, just kissed her harder, tongue diving into her mouth. Laura’s hands clenched Natasha’s hips and moved up her body, in search of any skin. Her fingers found her neck and traveled into her hair, gripping gently. 

And just like that the contact was gone, vanishing suddenly, leaving Laura’s head spinning. She breathed in heavily, staring at Natasha with wide, confused eyes. 

“Come on,” The spy said, flattening her skirt with her palms, “We have a party to attend,”

With those words, Natasha grabbed her clutch and began to leave the room. Laura followed suit, still, a bit dazed and confused. 

**\---**

“Listen, guys,” Tony said, clipping on his cuff links, “I know you don’t want to go to this damn party, hell, I don’t even want to go,” 

_ Then why are we going _ , Laura thought, earning a disapproving look from Vision. She shrugged in return, before fixing her attention back on Tony. 

“I just want to say thank you,” He said, a sincere smile on his face that Laura was still trying to get used to. In the beginning, Stark and Laura didn’t get along particularly well. They were always testing each other’s patients, firing passive-aggressive quips at the other whenever they had the chance. But, as time went on, and Steve and Nat began to show avid disapproval of their dynamic, Laura and Tony had decided that it was time to confront their differences. That ended up being one of the best decisions they’d ever made. Tony had opened her eyes to the complex world of technology and science, which is how Laura discovered her love for engineering. Hank had tried to get her into it in the past, but she had been a teenager then, and the only thing Laura was interested in was hand-to-hand combat and making up for lost time with her siblings. 

A hand against her shoulder pulled Laura away from that train of thought. She looked up to see Natasha, Sam, and Bucky standing around her, all smiling. 

“Jeez, Kinney,” Wilson said, “What’s got you thinkin’ so hard?”

Laura laughed, adjusting so that she was standing straight. She hadn’t zoned at that long had she? 

She could practically feel the caring and concerned look Natasha was boring into the side of her head. 

“Oh, I forgot to ask you,” Bucky said suddenly, “How did the Ireland mission go last week?” 

Laura gave a pained smile.  _ It went to shit _ , she thought, _ shit hit the fan hard and she’d taken an abysmal amount of heat for it _ . “It went as well as you’d expect an impromptu mission to go,” She answered, deciding that as a better way of phrasing it. 

“Hey, we’ve all been there,” Sam said, reassuringly.

“Yeah, I know, it’s just-” Laura was cut off by a shriek of laughter, and the sound of feet padding against the floor. 

A diaper-clad toddler came sprinting in from the hallway with Captain America hot on his toes. 

“Petey, stop running from Papa,” Steve called following the toddler around the room. Damn, he was a quick little sucker. The team laughed, which only encouraged Peter. 

Laura used to wonder if that was what Gabby was like as a baby; energetic and uncaged. But, being a clone meant no childhood, it meant training, fighting, and killing. Hopefully, now Gabby can have her childhood, and based on reports from Jean and Hank, she’s getting it. 

The boy ran giddily towards his other father, wrapping around his legs like a koala. Tony lifted the boy, hugging him close with this tenderhearted expression Laura can’t help but envy. She didn’t want to dig deeper into this jealousy, because she already knew the root of it. She had her chance at a real family stolen from her, and, though she tried to deny it, Tony was the closest thing to a father she’s had in a long time. 

Charles was like a grandfather to her, the man had known her better than anyone ever had. Hank was more of a mentor than anything. He helped her when she felt like she could never get up again, and he taught her most of what she knows today. Scott had once joked that she should call him, Uncle Beast, at which Laura scowled. Jean was her confidant and closest friend. When Laura had first come to the academy, she found herself holding a small torch for Jean that was soon smothered when she met Natasha.  _ You have a type, I see _ , Jubilee had teased when Laura officially introduced the teams to one another.

“I was had just gotten him bathed before slipped away,” Steve said, standing next to his husband to look at their son. “You look away for one second,” 

“Kids‘ll do that sometimes,” Clint said, appearing from the elevator, Pepper Potts tailing behind him. 

“Hey, Clint, Pepper” They all greeted. 

“Hello,” The Pepper smiled. She was dressed smart but elegant, a black pencil dress complimenting her figure nicely. “The limos waiting downstairs,” She informed them before disappearing back down the hallway. 

“Say bye-bye Pepper,” Tony said, waving in her direction. Peter mimicked him as best he could, waving his tiny wrist. 

Everyone began collecting their bags and jackets but made no direct movement for the elevator. 

“When will the babysitter be here?” Steve asked, gently patting Peter’s curls. 

“I don’t know. Friday?” Tony said, looking up at the ceiling.

“Mrs. Parker has just left a message informing you that she will not be able to watch Peter tonight,” The AI said over the intercom. Laura cringed at the piercing ring that came with it. The frequency, while undetectable to most, was heard loud and clear  _ thanks  _ to her enhanced hearing. 

Natasha rubbed her arm soothingly, which only over-worked her senses more. There was a wave of heat that seemed all-encompassing. The thrum in knuckles revved to its full extent before spreading throughout her in a flash of pain. It dissolved quickly back into her hands, thoroughly shaking her. Luckily, everyone was too wrapped up in trying to solve Tony and Steve’s babysitting dilemma to notice Laura’s disposition. 

“You good?” Natasha asked, keeping contact to a minimum for the moment. 

Laura nodded a confirmation, and Natasha’s hand rested on the small of her back. If this was going to be a regular occurrence, this gala was going to be a living hell. Overstimulation was just to easy to come by these days, in the form of noisy crowds and bodies bumping against another, and that’s basically all those damn galas were. She wouldn’t be able to keep up the facade all night. The mask would slip, and she’d embarrass herself and the team in front of hundreds of New York’s most powerful people. 

Laura looked desperately to Natasha, hoping that her expression said all that she wanted to say. Understanding passed over her girlfriend’s features, quickly followed by a glint of cunningness.

“Steve, Tony,” Natasha said, subsequently grabbing everyone’s attention, “Why doesn’t Laura watch Peter. She has some work to do for the Xmen, and it’s around his bedtime anyway. Its seems to be the perfect scenario,”

Laura gave an agreeing gesture. Steve and Tony shared a quick glance, silently debating as to whether they should let Wolverine watch their two-year-old. 

“If Laura doesn’t mind, I’m fine with it,” Steve said.

“Sounds good to me. As long as you want to, Laura” Tony added on. 

Laura nodded quickly, “Of course I will,” Her voice was bit raspy but otherwise smooth, “It will give me some time to work,”

She gave Natasha a thankful glance, who returned it with a welcoming smirk. 

“It’s settled then,” Tony announced, walking over and placing the babbling baby in Laura’s arms, “You’re babysitting,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Please consider leaving a Kudos!  
> Stay safe and have a nice day!


	4. Dire Strait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took a bit. My schedule has been packed lately. But, I've already started on chapter 5. So, get ready!!

Laura let out a sigh of relief as the elevator doors closed. The toddler, sitting against her hip, gave her a strange look. 

“You’re a baby, you’re not allowed to judge me,” She said, bouncing Peter. He giggled happily, sparking a smile from Laura. His chubby hands reached for the dog tags around her neck, playing with the chain aimlessly, a bright grin on his face. Peter was always a happy kid, he reminded her a lot of Gabby.

It’d been a while since Laura had seen her sister; a year and a half, maybe. When she’d left the school, Laura had every intention of keeping up with its inner workings, making sure the team acted responsibly and didn’t go off on any unnecessary missions. But, as days turned into weeks, then months, Laura couldn’t keep up from a distance. So, she gave them independence, let Hank and Jean make the decisions, and take over as the leaders of the Xmen. The team, despite being hours away, still called to check up on missions, sent her reports, and sometimes just called to say hi. But, she hadn’t seen them, only heard their voices, like echoes slowly drowning into the depths of a cannon. 

They’d been worried about Laura too, when she told them, and it had divided them morally.  _ Should you let someone, who is willing, die, or should you do all you can to help that person, nevermind how hard it is on everyone and them?  _ That’s why Laura left, why she came to be with the Avengers, to let the damage that her… condition had caused, repair itself. And based on the monthly reports, the Xavier School was back in order, something Laura hated that she was disappointed about. 

A finger probing her cheek pulled Laura from her thoughts. Peter was staring at her, eyes holding an unfailingly knowing look. He smooshed and pulled at Laura’s face, smiling at how it contorted her features. She rolled her eyes fondly, pulling away from the child’s grasp, and walked them down the hallway.

“Where dada and papa?” Peter asked, looking around the confines of the hall. 

“They went to a party, Pete,” She purposefully softened her voice. It was a habit of hers, whenever she was talking to children.  _ Keep them innocent as long as you can _ , Hank had told her once,  _ because innocence is priceless _ . 

A pout formed on the child’s face, “They go bye,”

Laura gave a sympathetic smile, “They’ll be back soon, I promise bud,” Those words meant very little to Peter, seeing as he was two-years-old, so she tried another tactic. “In the meantime, we get to hang out, play and eat ice cream,”

Peter’s face brightened and his hands went immediately into the air. He shouted happily, causing Laura to cringe slightly. She hoped to God that the twinge in her knuckles did not spread. She didn’t know what to do if she had an episode like last night in front of Peter. 

Laura went into her room and set Peter down on the bed. “Okay, Peter,” The toddler immediately directed his attention to her, fist in his mouth. She realized that he was still wearing a diaper. 

“You need clothes, and I need to get out of this dress,” She said, and Peter nodded along as if he understood every word. She spied a pair of shorts folded over the back of the desk chair. She grabbed them and a shirt, before heading into the bathroom. “I’ll be two seconds Peter,”

“You go bye,” Peter asked, voice becoming shaky.

Laura looked at the toddler, “I’m just gonna be in the bathroom. Scream if you need me,” 

She was about to close the door until she saw the kid’s lip start to quiver. “No go,” He begged, scrambling off the bed, and running to wrap around her legs. The clone rubbed his back with her free hand. 

“I have to change, bud,” She said, kneeling to his level, her knees cracking painfully. 

“No go,” He said again, hugging her tighter, “No leave, like dada and papa,”

Laura sighed,  _ Damn _ . She got why the kid was upset, no one liked being left behind, her especially. Gabby’s goodbye flashed in her mind. The tears that threatened to topple over the brim of her wide, curious eyes. She hated leaving, she really did. But, Laura couldn’t take it anymore, seeing the people she cared most about torn apart. She had to leave, it’s what was best. Though, she neglected to think that she was leaving Gabby behind, the same way Logan left her all those years ago. 

The familiar tingle of the claws breaking through skin pulled Laura from her trance. She released Peter immediately, forcing the claws to remain sheathed. The hum grew and began floating up her arm, but the clone forcibly ignored it, giving all her attention to the two-year-old in front of her. 

“Why don’t we do this then, I’ll let you  _ play  _ in the  _ tub  _ for a little bit, and I’ll get you and me some clothes to wear,” Laura wagered, making sure the words  _ play  _ and  _ tub  _ were accented the most to draw in the boy’s interests. 

“You stay?” Peter said, still gripped around Laura. 

It was still appalling how the kid was so open with contact around her, hugging her, letting her pick him up. It’d taken 4 months before any of the Avengers even dared to shake Laura’s hand, let alone embrace her. Laura had known Peter for the whole year he’d been with Steve and Tony, and the child showed no hesitancy in spending time with the mutant. 

“I’ll stay,” Laura said. 

Laura had gotten Peter into the tub, throwing in some bubble bath and some bath toys that she’d snagged from Tony and Steve’s bathroom. He played contently, babbling mostly to himself, while Laura changed. Once she was out of that damn dress she sat down at her desk, making sure to listen out for Peter. 

The rest of the evening went by languidly, Laura working on some mission reports for SHIELD and the Xmen, stopping temporarily to dry off Peter and get him into some warm clothes. She got him situated on the bed, wrapped up in a blanket, and sleeping peacefully before she resumed working. Laura used to be able to do that, was trained to, fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. But, the pain that hung over her was making it almost impossible nowadays. 

**\---**

The elevator dinging open pulled Laura away from her work. Realization hit her like a bus at that moment. Her throat burned, and her stomach felt twisted.  _ It is going to be okay _ , she reassured herself. It was a lie, though. It is going to be horrible. It’s going to be the Xavier School all over again. She couldn’t handle leaving the people she loved, again. The first time it destroyed her. This time, it’s going to kill her. 

There was a knock and Laura turned, straightening her features immediately. Natasha and Tony stood at the doorway. Tony’s attention was focused on the sleeping bundle that was his son, so he didn’t notice the somber look Laura and Natasha shared. The red-head was just has torn apart as she was. 

“Thanks, Laura,” Tony said, breaking their grim bubble, “For watching Peter, I know he can get clingy,” 

Laura stood from the chair, knees feeling weak all of the sudden, “It’s fine, I really didn’t mind,” 

Stark smiled, taking Peter into his arms and disappearing down the hallway. 

“Laura,” Natasha said, “Are you ready?”

The mutant could hear the control the spy was trying to keep. Laura appreciated the gesture, decided to label it as caring more than it was devious. Emotions were something they always tried to keep honest and open between them. But, lately, it seemed like they were both trying to bury them, for her sake. Laura hated that she understood it. The impulse to protect was burned into their brains, much like their instinct to kill, so it’s pretty difficult to resist. 

Laura approached her partner, staring into those green irises, “No, but, you want this, so I’m doin’ it,” 

Natasha’s smile was sad, and it hurt Laura’s heart more than any adamantium ever could. 

“I love you, Laura Kinney,” she said, voice breaking.

“I love you too, Natasha Romanov,” 

**\---**

The living room was once again, occupied with their teammates, all tired and slightly tipsy. They all looked relieved to be home, and away from New York’s  _ finest _ . Sam and Bucky were sitting at the bar, crowding each other's space. Steve, Tony, Rhodey, and Vision were sitting around the coffee table, and Wanda was fixing herself a martini at the bar. Peter was wrapped in a bundle in the Captain’s arms, still asleep, with a string of drool running onto the blonde’s shoulder. Bruce and Thor were talking near the kitchen island, the scientist flushed with drunkenness and embarrassment. 

“How was the gala?” Laura asked, forcibly swallowing the lump in her throat. 

“It was okay,” Steve said, leaning against the back of the sofa, “You’re lucky you weren’t there,”

“Definitely,” Sam added, “You didn't have to deal with a bunch of wasted millionaires,” 

Everyone shared a laugh, that fizzled out quickly. They looked drained, something that only added onto the guilt that was building just beneath Laura’s ribs. Natasha’s elbow bumped against her side.

“Tell them,” The spy mouthed. Laura huffed, rolling her eyes. 

“Hey guys,” Laura announced, hoping the defeated feeling coursing through her wasn’t audible. 

All eyes were suddenly on her. It felt suffocating, this much attention. But, she buried that feeling, just as Daken had taught her, and she held her head high. She hoped that if she showed some aloofness towards her dying, so would the Avengers.

She opened her mouth to speak, finding her tongue suddenly heavy. The words felt stuck to the back of her throat, unable to leave. 

“I-I am-,” She tried, but she stumbled clumsily. She closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them Laura would return to that tranquil night; Natasha cuddled close to her, the fan the only noise disturbing them. 

“Laura,” She heard Steve’s voice, the squeak of leather against dress pants, and the footsteps against the tile. The clone felt a large hand on her shoulder. “Is everything okay?”

Tears pricked behind her closed lids. They burned her eyes, forcing her to open them. She met the captain’s blue irises, wrapped with worry.  _ That’s my fault _ , rang clear in her mind. Warm tears glided down her cheeks. Laura couldn’t do this. She can’t hurt the people she loved, not again. 

“Natasha please,” Laura begged, voice breaking now. 

The red-head showed restraint, despite her condition. She averted her eyes, choosing instead to focus on the floor. Laura was not mad though. She could never be mad at her. She loved her, even if she didn’t understand this cold action. 

“What’s going on?” Bucky asked, standing from his seat, Sam not far behind.

The mutant stepped away from Steve’s touch, wiping the tears from her cheek on her sleeve. The tone of the room had shifted immensely, now holding a thick tension. 

Laura began, breathing slowly, attempting to gain some composure, “You guys know that I have adamantium,”

That wasn’t what she meant to say, but she knew no other way to begin. Stating the obvious was always her strong suit. 

They nodded, eyes wide with concern. Their breathing had paused, waiting for her to speak. Surely they would have assumed. Any amount of prolonged exposure to metal, especially one as experimental as admanuitm, could kill you. If not all of them, at least, Bruce and Tony. They were like the godfathers of science, _ in a way _ . Surely, they knew. They knew all along. They can’t be angry at her, if they had known, assumed, but never said anything. 

“Metal can have strange effects… Well, Bruce, surely you understand?” Laura stuttered. She was reaching at this point, trying to lead them in that direction, rather than say it. She hoped to God they understood where she was going. Laura was sure that if she had to say it, she’d have a breakdown. 

Natasha looked up at her now, eyes hard and, somehow, encouraging, “Laura, please, just say it,”

The mutant sighed, looking at the confused and dreading faces of her teammates. They were her family, as much as the Xmen were. She loved and cared about them. She didn’t want to do this to them, only wished to give them the best. But, this had to be done. 

And so, breathing deeply, keeping her voice steady, and staring into the eyes of each and every Avenge, she spoke.

“I’m dying,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thx for reading!  
> Pls, consider leaving a Kudos and a comment!  
> Have a nice day and stay safe!


	5. Abject Apathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So slight warning. Tony's a prick in this. So...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took so long. But, here it is.  
> I also have a beta-reader now!! Yay!  
> So this is the first chapter officially betaed. Enjoy!

Laura had closed her eyes as soon as she’d said it, finding herself unable to look at their faces. She didn’t want to see the pity. She knew the pity would hurt more than anything.

She heard nothing, saw nothing. It was as if the world had paused the moment her lids shut. Laura began to wonder if she’d gone deaf. Then came the uneasy bump of heartbeats. She knew every single one of them, as they slowly flowed into her ears, like water rushing toward the firth. 

She could put a name to every single one. She knew Natasha’s the best, as she listened to it every day, memorized the way it quickened when she was surprised, and how it practically slammed against her chest when fighting. Right now, Natasha’s heartbeat had a strange new rhythm to it, Laura thought it to be anticipation. It seemed right for the moment. As they waited for the ball to drop, and someone to say something, anything. 

“Steve,” She heard Tony’s voice. It was quiet, a whisper that he was struggling to keep. “Take Peter to the nursery, please.”

The soldier must’ve complied because she could hear his footsteps getting further away. Another moment of silence, though it wasn’t as prolonged as the one before. 

“Laura,” It was Bucky this time. He sounded shocked like he’d never considered the concept of death. “Open your eyes,”

“Are you going to yell?” She knew it was petulant, that she sounded like a child trying to evade trouble for as long as they could.

Laura could feel someone standing in front of her, could smell their breath; champagne and mouthwash. Metal gripped her hand.  _ Bucky _ . “Just open your eyes, Laura, please,” 

Slowly, she peeled back her lids, taking in her teammate’s expressions one by one. They were fighting to keep themselves calm, causing them to look pained and uncomfortable. Except for Tony, who was studying the floor with a heated gaze unlike she’d ever seen. She’d only ever seen him this angry once, and she tried hard to forget that day, more than anything. 

Steve sped back into the room, wiping his hands against his dress pants. His heart was quickened, like Natasha’s. Laura couldn’t hear Tony’s heart, just the hum of the Arc Reactor, which showed no indication of emotion, only life. The blonde took a seat on the arm of the couch, looking at Laura with a pitiful glare. 

Tony stood, stealing the mutant’s attention. His eyes met hers, and she wished they hadn’t. They were sad and angry and worried and held so many other things that Laura could not place. She’d never seen them like this before, never seen  _ anything  _ like this before. The unbreakable Tony Stark image, that he shoved in people’s face, was cracking, revealing the emotional, slightly hostile man beneath it. 

“You’re dying,” He said, jaw clenched. Laura nodded, words didn’t seem right, at least not any that she was unsure of saying. 

“How could you be dying?” Bruce asked, walking closer, Thor following behind him, “Your healing factor, you should be immune to metal poisoning.”

“Metal poisoning?” Sam said it as if it were some foreign phrase, “How can you have metal poisoning? People get metal implants all the time.”

Bruce glanced at him. “Adamantium is a very experimental metal. It’s been mostly recalled due to its toxicity. I figured Laura’s healing ability would override the effects.”

“You considered that she might die?” Natasha said, voice fidgeting. 

“I’m sorry, Natasha. But, death is a part of life. I considered it when she first joined - had too,” Bruce answered. He was speaking in his scientist’s voice, causing Hank’s to ring in Laura’s memory, _ instinctual avoidance _ . “Were you aware of the concomitants that come with the metal?” 

“If you mean, did I know that the adamantium was slowly killing me,” Bruce nodded, “Then, yes, I was aware”

Appalled faces stared back at Laura. 

“How the hell could you not tell us?” Tony said suddenly. Tears were brimming but had not yet fallen. Laura had the instinct to comfort him, to say anything that might settle the man’s obvious discomfort. However, like her conversation with Natasha, consolation was to be the concluding part of this horrible endeavor. But, the thought of going through anything resembling last night made her want to throw herself out the windows behind her. 

For this reason, Laura found herself unable to produce an answer, one that would justify her secrecy and avoid anything heart-wrenching. At her lack of answer, Tony spoke again, this time in a tone just on the cusp of shouting, “We’re your friends, how the hell could you not tell us?” 

“I didn’t think it was necessary,” It was the best Laura could come up with. Her mind was moving a hundred miles a minute, trying to focus on what Tony was saying while trying to plan out her next course of action. Running seemed wrong - always did when it came to the Avengers. They were harder to run away from, as she was unable to doubt their ability to protect themselves. The Xmen were easier to leave because Laura knew she was protecting them from herself. But the Avengers didn’t need protection. 

“You didn’t think it was necessary,” Tony said slowly, mockingly, as if he were speaking to a child who didn’t know what they’d done wrong, “To tell us that you’re dying,”

“We’re all dying, Tony,” Natasha said, a slight bitterness on her tongue. It was needless to say that the red-head was not enjoying this either. She knew the necessity of it, but its importance in no way was overshadowed by adoration. Natasha Romanov hated this, just as Laura did. 

Tony looked at the spy, and although Laura couldn’t see his expression, she knew it must be something softer than the fury he pointed at her. He could control his anger, select a target, and radiate it only to them. Laura was his target this time, and it struck an eery, slightly nostalgic cord. Reminded her of when Peirce would get mad. 

“Don’t defend her, Natasha. She may be your girlfriend but she still lied to you,” Tony said, “She lied to all of us, for no reason.” 

“Tony,” Steve warned. 

“What?” He shrugged, voice echoing in the quiet, “You’re not mad? ‘Cuz I’m fucking mad, Steve. She sat around here, pretending to be our friend. All the while, lying to our faces!” 

Laura felt the tears, burning viciously. Her heart hurt, and there was an ache in her stomach that climbed up her esophagus to settle at the back of her mouth. 

“I didn’t lie to you,” She heard herself say the words, but she could not feel them. The truth always felt so numb when she decided to speak it, so peculiar. 

“Really, Wolverine. Then what were you doing?” Tony mocked, “Or does your clone brain not know how to tell the truth?”

That stung  _ hard _ . It reminded her of something Scott had said once, and it brought with that memory the unresolved tension she’d left back at the institute. 

“Tony,” Natasha said.

Laura let go, let the tears fall like storms down her cheeks. Hurt ached in her chest. Her knuckles clenched white with anger. Laura was unsure if she should run away or start throwing punches. The clone thing was a sensitive topic and something very salient to Laura. Tony said it as if it meant nothing, using something she confided to him in a moment of trust, was just as infuriating as it was acidulous. 

“You know what, Stark,” Laura said, voice twisted with a twinge of sorrow, “I lied. But, I did it to protect you, all of you. Do you know what happened last time I told people that I was dying? I couldn’t do it again,” She realized belatedly she was shouting.

“Do what again?” Tony matched her tone.

She huffed, “See the people I love fall apart because they can’t cure me!”

A silence, thick with tension, clouded the room’s expanse as Laura let her words wash over her teammates. Shock mixed with pity took over their expressions, only adding on to Laura’s anger. She didn’t want pity. Concern was something she’d prepared for, crying definitely. But pity was just demeaning, horribly demeaning. She couldn’t take it. 

Laura’s legs began to move, as if by their own volition. She left the room, feet padding against the floor the only sound to be heard. She felt the creeping of regret and the tranquility of relief. The tears ceased to fall the insistent she closed the door of  _ her  _ bedroom. She had gone to her bedroom, not the one she and Natasha shared. She was still a bit upset. Natasha had been cold to her, left her when Laura needed her most. 

She sat down on the bed she hadn’t slept on in months. The walls were bare and the dresser and wardrobe were empty. She’d moved everything into Natasha’s room. They’d only been dating a month when the red-head suggested they move-in together. Laura hadn’t loved Natasha then but still did it anyway, thought it showed maturity. She grew to love Natasha, though, and had never regretted her decision, even now. Even as she contemplated running away, off into the bustling night of Manhattan. It was only a thought, though. She didn’t think it right to run, despite Tony’s words, despite the hurt coursing through her. 

Laura Kinney was not going to run. Not again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please consider commenting and leaving a kudos. They really do help and motivate me. Have a nice day, and stay safe!


End file.
